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3 Powerful Communication Tips To Prevent Conflicts In your Relationship

There have been many books about Communication,
Communication Styles, and Conflict Resolution Techniques to
be used in inter-presonal relationships.

This article is to focus on the less common, but just as
important areas of communication known as:

a) Body Language
b) Tone
c) Indirect Communication

Contrary to popular belief, as mentioned in the romantic
comedy "Hitch" with Will Smith, words are only a small
fraction of the communication.

In fact, according to Dr Robby Bilton, (Director/ Counsellor
of The Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre,
and Co-author of Love by Design,) says that the following is
roughly how communication is divided.

10% of Communication is conducted through Words.
30% of Communication is conducted through Tone.
60% of Communication is conducted by Body Language.

So what does this mean?  We spend the majority of the time
focusing on what people are directly saying, but we are
missing 90% of what people are really saying.   It is no
wonder then, that above and beyond couples not having the
same communication modes, or not having relationship skills,
miscommunication can also be occurring because we are not
focusing on the full picture. 

Indirect Communication is also an alternate form of
communication, because a person needs to listen to what is
being said underneath the words, and not take the words at
face value only.

Let's give some examples of the less well know forms of
communication.

1) BODY LANGUAGE:  When a couple comes for counselling, by
the time they sit down on the couch together, we already
have an idea of the dynamics of the relationship.  How?  By
how they are sitting on the couch.  Is the couple sitting on
opposite ends of the couch? Are they sitting close together,
are they leaning towards each other, away from each other?
Is one couple leaning away from the other even though the
other is leaning towards the other one?  Is one person
practically sitting on the other?  Are they holding hands?
Does someone have their arm behind the other one?  Are they
sitting forward, leaning back relaxed, or sitting up poker
straight? Is someone fidgeting or restless? Is someone
hugging a pillow, or putting a pillow between themselves and
their partner?  There is a lot going on, if one is aware.

It is important when communicating to be aware of one's body
language.  Often a person may shutdown by something the
first partner is saying or doing, but are not saying
anything, so the first partner continues unaware. 

As an example, if someone shuts down, they may lean away
from you, they may or may not be smiling, they may have a
very tight, restricted look on their face.  Their eyes will
usually be directed away, looking down, or looking up and
away.  If they do maintain eye contact, chances are their
arms will be crossed. 

Arms being crossed is fascinating, in and of itself and has
more than one meaning, but as the person doing the
communicating and as the receiver of the communication it
can send different messages. It may need to be checked out
to prevent misinterpretation. Arms crossed could mean:

They are angry
They feel encroached upon or threatened
They are taking a stand or being stubborn
They feel anxious or uncomfortable
They are cold

2) TONE: We once had a couple come in to see us where the
wife's main complaint was that she didn't like the way her
husband talks to her.  She said she told him time and again
that he had to stop talking so angrily towards her, and she
couldn't handle the intensity when they talked.

The husband was truly perplexed.  He honestly though his
wife must be hypertensive or looking into things that
weren't there because as he explained, he never yells or
raises his voice towards her and he never says anything
derogatory or mean to her. So what was going on?

When explained to him that it was his tone and intensity of
his voice that was conveying anger, he responded by saying…"
Tone? What's tone?"

He never knew that people can react to the tone of one's
voice.  He just thought communication was black and white,
you are either yelling or not yelling.

Tone can be much more subtle, but just as powerful.  Many
years ago, when I was going through a marriage prep class
with my 1st husband, one of the marriage prep teachers,
pulled me aside one day and asked me, if I ever noticed the
tone of my voice before. I said" No, what are talking
about?"  He said that I had a tone to my voice that said
"I'm not worthy" to people.
Now, I was shocked at first because of this man's honestly
and truth.  But he was dead on with how I was feeling inside
at the time, and to my surprise it was actually coming
through in my tone.

So the bottom line, you may think you are just communicating
with words, but there is a whole other conversation going
on, that people can pick up by your tone whether it is
intentional or unintentional.

3) Lastly, there is INDIRECT COMMUNICATION

It is very important to be a Direct Communicator, express
what you feel, think or need directly. Communication is a
very subjective art in the first place because everyone has
filters when it comes to interpreting what other people mean
due to your belief systems, your mood, past traumas,
experience and education. What one thing means to you may
not have the same meaning to another person. So if you are
the type of person who uses indirect communication to
express your needs you are complicating your communication
ten fold. You are opening up tons of new interpretations
that are not necessary, in hopes of couching your needs or
hoping that you are not going to cause a reaction from the
person you are asking the request from. The reality is that
you are actually decreasing your chances of the person you
are communicating with understanding what you want, plus you
are potentially frustrating the other person with unclear
messages. Sometimes, indirect communication can also cause
the other person to feel like you are trying to control,
care give or influence them, instead of stating what you
want.

The following are suggestions for dealing with these forms
of communications:

1) Be aware of your own Body Language, Tone and Indirect
Communication.

2) Be aware of your partner's Body Language, Tone and
Indirect Communication.

3) If in doubt , check it out - Ask always in a way so you
are owning your own feelings or observations, such as " I
feel like you may be annoyed with me because I hear a
sharpness in your voice, how do you feel?" OR "I noticed
that your arms are crossed, how are you feeling or what are
you thinking?" If it is an indirect communication, feedback
what you think they are saying and see if you have hit it on
the nose or not.  Sometimes, Indirect Communicators still
won't tell you what they are really thinking, so reassure
them that it is safe to voice their option or ask for what
they want.

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How To Resolve Issues In Your Relationship

How To Resolve Issues In Your Relationship

By Cucan Pemo

http://www.retrievealover.com/afftools/sophie4/index.html

At some time in our personal relationships, we all go through problems, but unless you pinpoint the problems and learn how to resolve them, your relationship can fall apart.

Take Your Relationship To a New Place

Getting away from the norm can be a healthy thing for a long relationship. Long relationships tend to create habits and routines that are hard to break for both partners. It is important to stay spontaneous in your relationship and this is not a new concept but a very true one. You can easily fall into routines such as getting up, going to work, coming home, eating, watching TV and then going to bed.

Try to spice it up a little and make different plans every few days and a couple of weekends a month. Remember, though, it is difficult to make these changes every single day, so try to space them out. Shaking things up too much can be as big of a problem as sticking with a routine. 

There are lots of ways to break those routines.  It doesn't matter if it is for a week, weekend, or just the day, as some time away from the norm can be very therapeutic. A nice option is to find a place where the romance can ignite, as you have some alone time with your partner.

Unfortunately, until it happens to them, many people do not think that living with an individual can make them lonelier than they’ve ever been in their lives. Studies indicate, though, that thousands in a committed relationship feel alone.

Not many people in relationships spend a lot of time with their partner, and they tend to take them for granted. Sometimes there are days when the couple does not even talk about anything that has real meaning. This can be negative on both sides, and by exerting some effort to pay more attention to your partner it can bring about a healthier relationship. Getting away from those old routines can help get the two of you where you need to be.

Listening, Talking, Then Speaking

If a conversation is brought up, and an argument happens, you should try to think why the argument came about. Sometimes you can provoke the argument, and you are not aware you are doing so.

For example, constantly criticizing your partner or dwelling on small details in a negative way is a way of provoking confrontation and not knowing it. Maybe you always harp on her clothes. Alternately, perhaps you incessantly complain that he’s late when he comes home.

It doesn’t matter what it is, if you discover this is happening, you should try to listen carefully when you speak. You should try to look into the future what will happen if you happen to say this or do that. You are the person who knows your partner better than anyone else; therefore use this to your advantage. Understand what triggers the arguments, and you may be able to solve them before they start.

Making Time for One Another

There’s no simple way around it, our lives are busy places. That time spent elsewhere, though, means time you’re choosing not to focus on your relationship, and that can cause some real problems. Set aside time just to spend with your partner.

After being in the relationship for a long period of time, this can be the only way get control of the spiraling problems you may be experiencing. Try to set aside some time where you can have a good conversation or go for a walk. Setting aside some time to enjoy your time together can help make a healthier relationship.

Making Time For Yourself

Spending too much time with someone for too long can be overwhelming. You may discover that taking a solo trip refreshes you, as well as your partner. You may find that you will miss your partner and it may take some time alone to realize this.

Focusing on yourself for a bit may, in turn, help you to focus on your relationship. For example, while you’re on your own, you may discover that your partner often speaks for you. Understanding the root cause of this problem may help you communicate the issues to your partner more effectively.

If you and your partner are having relationship problems you should try to look at the problem and sit down with them to have a heart to heart alone talk with no interruptions. If this still does not work and you are still having relationship problems then counseling may be a good option.

The relationship is an investment in time and emotion. Because of this, you should take advantage of the time you spend together and, in a constructive way, come to terms with why the problems are occurring.

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10 Sure Fire Tips for Meeting New People

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10 Sure Fire Tips for Meeting New People    By J. Foley

In order to meet new people, you have to get out and make yourself available to new acquaintances.  It’s highly unlikely that you will meet many people while sitting alone in your living room watching television or playing video games.  It’s one thing to want to meet new people but it is quite another thing to actually start meeting new people.  If you really desire to start meeting some new people try making an effort to go out at least 4 nights a week and engage in an activity that you enjoy. 

If you enjoy reading, libraries and book stores are your best bet for meeting people with similar interests.  You can spend a weekend day or an evening perusing the racks at a local library or book store.  Make sure to spend the majority of your time searching in sections that you enjoy but spend your time people watching instead of reading.  You are more likely to meet someone with similar interests if you stick to what you like.  If you notice someone looking at a book you have read or were planning to read, be bold and approach them.  Using the book as a conversation starter gives you a starting point. 

If you enjoy a physical activity such as running, make an effort to visit local stores that sell sneakers in an effort to meet new people.  Since running is a subject that you are knowledgeable about and enjoy you may find yourself in a situation where you are able to offer your opinion or advice.  For example if you notice someone who seems to be struggling to decide between two running shoes, don’t hesitate to jump in an offer your opinion.  If you are knowledgeable about a subject most people will appreciate your opinion so offering advice about your area of expertise is one surefire tip for meeting new people. 

Visiting local art museums and taking an interest in a specific piece of art can be a surefire tip for meeting new people.  Chose your favorite piece of art and spend a little time lingering near this exhibit.  If you spend enough time by your favorite exhibit, you are bound to overhear someone else admiring the art.  You can take this opportunity to strike up a conversation about why you like the exhibit as well and offer your interpretation of the piece. 

Joining a volunteer group for a cause you support is another surefire way to meet new people.  You will meet many people who feel passionately about the same cause and will instantly have something to talk about.  Additionally these groups often organize many projects and joining different committees will allow you to not only help out the group but also meet a variety of new people in the process.

You may also meet new people by signing up for a local recreational sports league.  Most major cities have leagues available where you can sign up as an individual and fill in on a team that is short a player.  While it may be fun to join this league with a group of your existing friends, signing up as an individual is a surefire way to meet new people. 

Attending religious services is another surefire way to meet new people.  The service itself may just be an hour long ceremony that does not promote meeting new people but religious groups often participate in a variety of other activities and are usually forming committees for many of these activities.  Signing up for one of these committees affords you the chance to meet a few members of the congregation on an individual basis. 

Becoming involved in local politics may lead to meeting new people.  Getting involved in local politics can be a touchy subject because many of the people you meet may feel extremely passionate about their opinions.  While this can be troublesome if you meet those with opinions that differ, you are also likely to meet many people who share opinions similar to yours. 

Venturing to a nightclub or bar alone can be another surefire tip for meeting new people.  Nightclubs and bars are traditionally thought of as places to meet new people but many people who visit these venues have trouble meeting people.  The problem is that going out with a large group of friends makes you less approachable.  Try visiting a bar alone and you may find yourself meeting more people than ever before. 

Don’t pass up wedding or other party invitations just because you don’t have a date because attending these events solo can be a surefire way to meet new people.  Many people would decline invitations for a function instead of going along but going alone can be your ticket to meeting new people.  You will be likely to find others who are also attending the party without a date and this can be a great opportunity to strike up a conversation and meet some new people. 

A final surefire tip for meeting new people is to attend a sporting event for a sport you enjoy.  Here you will find many other people who have a similar interest and your common interest can lead to a new relationship.  Sporting events also offer fans the chance to celebrate and commiserate together as their favorite team has its ups and downs. 

If you seriously want to start meeting new people the first step is to start getting out of your house more often.  Once you are out, be sure to make yourself available by traveling solo and making eye contact with those you are interested in meeting.  Also, spend time participating in activities that you enjoy and you are much more likely to meet new people who share your interests.  Getting out more, engaging in activities you enjoy and making yourself available while also taking a few risks by starting conversations are some surefire tips for meeting new people.

Article Written By J. Foley

"How To Approach Any Woman, Anywhere And Know Exactly What To Say To Get Her To Give You Her Number And Go On A Date With You - NOW"

(Dating) & Improving Your Personal Life

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(Dating) & Improving Your Personal Life    By J. Foley

Improving your Personal Life in general will give you a head start too when it comes to dating, clear goals and ambition attracts ladies, here you'll find tips to improve your lifestyle to help with getting success in dating,

Rule 1: Exercise often - 100 situps, 100 pushups, running, work on arms

Girls don't care if you're not buff, but looks are important too. Take care of your body if for no one else but yourself.

I do 100 situps, 100 pushups every day. I do a light weight session focusing on building bigger arms and chest muscles. I also run 3 times a week. This is a perfect workout that takes very little time out of your week and will make you look and feel a lot better inside and out, I guarantee it!

Rule 2: Never let anything or anyone overwhelm my emotions to the point of incapacitation

Nothing in life is worth letting your life go down the drains for. If something bad happens, pick yourself up, don't stop working or letting your finances suffer.

Rule 3: Be Independent always

Rule 4: Always keep learning new things and travel

Read lots, watch documentaries, take courses and travel all you can. You'll thank me for this advice one day.

Rule 5: Always have fun always have a positive attitude - everything will be ok

Rule 6: Every day or when you feel stressed sit silent for 30 minutes and think about nothing just relax

Rule 7: Don't let little things rattle you - never over react

Life is full of little surprises, just like dating, but let them rattle you, just keep going on with your life like nothing happened.

He who angers you becomes your master.

Rule 8: Create a life's to do list and follow thru with it completely and systematically

This is something you must do. Everyone has goals for life, I don't care if it's only 4 things, write them down and check them off.

I have close to 100 things I want to do before I do, like learn to speak German, go to Oktoberfest, things like that.

I also have more serious things like, Run the largest publishing company in the world, which I still quite havn't checked off yet ;)

Rule 9: Set high goals and standards for your life and never let anyone compromise them

Rule 10: Always have an open mind and don't be judgemental

Rule 11: Don't Get Moody With People! - Just Relax!

Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.

Rule 12: You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don't Take!

It's Alright To Have Faults And Be Yourself - You Have My Permission To Make Mistakes

Like I said in the above section, I've made mistakes before and at the time I thought I was the biggest idiot, but it's all a part of learning how to be successful with women.

No one is perfect and it's ok to have quirky little habits, no woman expects you to be perfect or a dating robot that knows exactly what to do at all times.

The main thing is to make sure it doesn't get you down and you don't stop trying if you have a bad experience. Every woman isn't going to like you and vice versa, but....

You miss 100% of all shots you don't take!

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Article Written By J. Foley

How To Approach Any Women Anywhere, Anytime : http://tinyurl.com/2clpxe